folkahontas

had a dream last night

Never ever blog but it is one of those days where it feels right.

I have to say I’ve always been ambitious, when inspired. My mom says that on my first day of school I was the kid who was excited about all the things she was going to learn, not how many kids there were to play with. I wanted to be a marine biologist, an astronomer and an archaeologist. I got straight A’s and was in chess tournaments. Then I got to high school and the opposite effect happened. I lost that inspiration and traded it in for meaningless things, lost that feeling that I was capable of anything.

I can feel that flame burning bright inside of me again. I’m in the beginnings and I’m making amends for all my laziness. I’m getting A’s instead of C’s again.

I had a dream last night that for the hell of it I applied to a bunch of Ivy League schools and got accepted into all of them.

Is it stupid to think I am capable of doing this in reality? I don’t think for my Bachelor’s degree but definitely for graduate school. 

I feel like I need something more than just academics to get me that far though. I need to find something that I’m really passionate about to excel in, like how I used to LOOOVE chess. I can see myself going far with Bikram yoga but I’m not sure that is the thing to set me apart from others. 

I feel like an opportunity is going to present itself and that when it does I have to be ready to jump and GRAB it.

I can see myself graduating from an Ivy league school and working for the United Nations some day.

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND TO DO, no matter if anyone believes me or not.

pale blue dot

Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there—on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.

— Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994

of course they say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star

If there is indeed an afterlife, I believe it will be a physical, unconscious one. ..

..mass cannot be created/destroyed, although it may be rearranged in space, and changed into different types of particles. This implies that for any chemical process in a closed system, the mass of the reactants must equal the mass of the products…

“Even if it means oblivion, friends, I’ll welcome it, because it won’t be nothing. We’ll be alive again in a thousand blades of grass, and a million leaves; we’ll be falling in the raindrops and blowing in the fresh breeze; we’ll be glittering in the dew under the stars and the moon out there in the physical world, which is our true home and always was.”

-The Amber Spyglass, Philip Pullman

musicians i’ve seen so far this year

gorillaz, best coast, wavves, yeasayer, washed out, small black, the flaming lips, neon indian, cotton jones, the tallest man on earth, sleigh bells, MIA, die antwoord, rye rye, bassnectar, here we go magic, kurt vile, panda bear, grizzly bear, beach house, edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, girls, deerhunter, spoon, N.E.R.D., Jay-Z, megafaun, breathe owl breathe, passion pit, mgmt, kid cudi, lcd soundsystem, vampire weekend, deadmau5, the xx, the temper tramp, real estate, local natives, little boots, robyn, she & him, broken social scene, modest mouse, sharon van etten, bear in heaven, delorean

just to name a few

buhbye

i’m going to step foot out of my house for six months next july

katimavik is a huge contender for an adventure

there is a huge part of me that is considering new york city or rio de janerio maybe even stockholm. i think it’ll be time to move away for a while. its way too long to wait until after graduation. july to december then sfu in january.

my mom and dad dont believe me, as usual

when i say i am going to do something i actually do it

everybody steals

Ten Are You’s

1. Are you single - overly
2. Are you happy -  david bowie party last night, slept in missed school and eating great food, i am fucking happy
3. Are you bored -  nooo
4. Are you naked -  i have no bra or underwear on ;)
5. Are you a blonde - i was last night
6. Are you moody - no i had a great sleep and actually dont feel tired!
7. Are you a lover/hater - huge lover of life
8. Are you hot/cold -  perfect
9. Are you Irish - partially i think
10. Are you Asian- no u

Ten Facts

1. Full Name – Deidre Lillian Olsen
2. Nicknames – DeeDee, Dr.Dre
3. Any birth marks – vajj!!
4. Hair color – naturally brown, died redddyyy nao
5. Natural hair color – brown
6. Eye color – brown
7. Height – 5’9
8. Mood - marvelous
9. Favorite color – purple

10. One Place to Visit – stockholm, sweden

Nine things about your love life

1. Do you believe in love at first sight – not really, i suppose possible but highly unlikely
2. Do you believe in soul mates – absolutely not
3. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - sorta
4. Have you ever broke someone’s heart? – absolutely
5. Ever had your heart broken? - not truly, lg wise yes
6. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? – yea
7. Are you afraid of commitment? – now i am. i’m afraid of fucking myself over
8. Who was the last person you hugged? - kaylee or shaye
9.  Who was the last person you said I love you to? – my mom

Nine this or that

1. Love or lust – love
2. Cats or dogs – dogs
3. A few best friends or many regular friends - both
4. Television or internet - internet
5. Chinese Or Indian - chinese
6. Wild night out or romantic night in – wild night
7. Money or Happiness - money can buy happiness, it’s true
8. Night or Day - day
9. MSN or Phone - Phone 

Eight have you ever

1. Been caught sneaking out – nope, i was a stealth lg
2. Been skinny dipping -  many times
3. Bungee jumped – no
4. Lied to someone you liked – yes
5. Finished an entire jaw breaker – many a time. 
6. Wanted an ex bf/gf back – nope
7. Cried because you lost a pet – bailey
8. Wanted to disappear – hasn’t everyone

Ten preferences in a partner

1. Smile or eyes – eyes. 
2. Light or dark hair - light
3. Hugs or kisses – kisses

4. Shorter or taller – taller

5. Intelligence or attraction - intellegences = attraction
6. Romantic or spontaneous - spontaneous

7. Funny or serious – funny and serious when needed 
8. Older or Younger - older. 
9. Outgoing or quiet – outgoing
10. Sweet or Bad Ass – depends

Eight have you’s

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd – yep
2. Ever done drugs – sure have
3. Ever been on a cheerleading team – have!
4. Ever been on a dance team -  yes
5. Ever been on a sports team - yes
6. Ever been in a drama play/production – yes
7. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? - no
8. Ever been in a rap video? – no

Last person to

1. Sleep in bed beside you? - tillie padugi migeum

2. Saw you cry? – my mom over fable 3
3. You went out to dinner with? - no idea
4. You talked on the phone to? - kaylee
5. Made you laugh? - thaortg?

Would you rather

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? – nose
2. Be serious or be funny? – serious
3. Drink whole or skim milk? - skim!!
4. Spend time with your parents or enemies? - parents

Are you

1. Simple or complicated? – neither
2. Retarded? - in pictures

Do you prefer

1. Flowers or candy? - neither
2. Gray or black? - black
3. Color or Black and white photos? – color
4. Sunrise or sunset?- both
5. Staying up late or waking up early? - waking up early, nothing beats the morning
6. Sun or moon? - sun
7. Winter or Summer? - fall and spring
8. Left or right? - right
9. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? – two best freinds
10. Sun or rain? - rain
11. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream? - vanilla
12. Vodka or Jack Daniels? - vodka

Answer truthfully

1. Do you like anyone? - no
2. Do they know it? – no

Unique

1. Nervous Habits? - bite my nails

2. Are you double jointed? – no
3. Can you twist your tongue around and roll it? - i think
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? – no
5. Can you cross your eyes? - yes
6. Do you make your bed daily? – never

In the last month, have you

1. Had a relationship? - nope 
2. Bought something? - yes
3. Sang - yes
4. Been hugged - yes
5. Felt stupid - yes
6. Missed someone -yes 

Lasts

1. Last Alcoholic Drink - pbr
2. Last Car ride - not sure
3. Last Movie Seen - the postman

4. Last Song Played - long haired child - devendra banhart

a deck of cards

Sometimes life hands you a card from it’s deck, it can be a card beneficial to your hand, it can have a neutral affect or it can be the worst card you could have predicted. When you are handed with a poor card you assess the situation of your hand and then when you have decided the best route to take you act presumably. You can keep a poker face and hide from your opponents the card and the emotion behind it which has obviously not helped you out much, you can simply fold or you can let them know obviously that your card sucks, well fuck.

Anyway, for me at least when I get dealt a card which I greet with spite I can take it as an opportunity.

Monday night, I did not leave the dream. I went to ice cream social with Kaylee and drank a fair amount beforehand. I ended up deciding to buy a drink which really fucked me over and shipwrecked my ship on no island. Kaylee and I left early and I was drunk and thought a junior chicken was a grand idea which I then felt to sick to eat. I put it in my purse for later. But then I got on the skytrain and decided it was the proper time to vomit, took out the bag and vomited on top of the uneaten junior chicken which I then proceded to leave on the skytrain. Someone probably found a lovely pressie, I was so stealth and got it all in the bag!

Anyways, point being, I woke up the next morning and proceeded to vomit once more. I then had to go to a 930 orthodontist appointment in North Delta. I walked into Maduke & Bulat thinking “NO FUCKING WAY AM I GETTING BRACES, SELF-ESTEEM PEACE OUT, INVISALIGN OR NOTHING!”. I walked out feeling differently.

They had a look at my teeth and put up pictures on the screen which I felt horrible about having a room of people staring at the inside of my mouth. Sandra Maduke, the Orthodontist explained then why I need braces. She said the main reason people think you need braces is because its about beauty and straight hollywood teeth. She then explained that the number one reason is functionality. I’m not into going into detail but she explained how I would benefit from braces not just straightening wise but functionally. I then found out I have something called a tongue thrust and need to see a speech therapist to correct it. Long story short, it’ll help my teeth out as well.

The biggest thing for me was understanding the functionality. I weighed the pros and cons after thinking “FUCK NO NO NONONONO”.

1. I have friends. Wonderful friends. Who will not judge me! I’m not trying to impress anyone.

2. There are people in this world who will never be given the opportunity for braces, and even though it seems too late to get them it really never is too late for anything in life and right now could be the perfect time. This could be an opportunity I should not take for granted.

3. Time, the last year has gone by so damned fast that next thing I know they will be off, it’s only a year and a half. Plus if I go to katimavik I’ll be gone and consumed by life.

4. Dental plan, parents are paying for it and if I do it afterward my parents will pay for professional whitening. I’ll be twenty one and have a beautiful smile.

5. I’ve never liked my smile and this is an opportunity to change that.

BLAH BLAH BLAH. I’M SO HAPPY I CAN ACCEPT SOMETHING AND LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. My sister will be going through it with me too! AHH!! It was an entirely enlightening and positive experience. So go fucking me.

Back to the cards. So please after you’re done folding and decide being a part of the game don’t play the one card we all know you are going to play. Grab life by the bitter end and ride that ass till it begs for more!

absence

I read an intriguing argument for the existence of god. At the very basic it set out to contradict the duality of life; life and death, hot and cold, light and dark. Rather than argue these as opposites, sort of ying and yang, as though there is not one without the other it went on to day that no death is the absence of life, cold of hot and dark of light. Darkness, death and cold are then immeasurable. It then compared the duality of a world full of good and evil but then a world where evil is the absence of good, of god. It still doesn’t win me over to the kingdom of heaven but is a thought provoker nonetheless. Now I am beginning to question duality and wonder if absence, whether holy or not makes more sense to me.. The absence of my bus pass, I wonder what that is? :(

a “wrong” decision can be all the more right

Depending on how you percieve it to be. October already. Upcoming: best coast, die antwoord, Halloween and gorillaz. Also some “wrong decisions”. But that’s ok. Risks help to define you, to give you a fuller understanding of consequence and circumstance. At the same time you experience life outside of your comfort zone and evolve. We are the sum of our experiences are we not? Influence as a wrong decision can be influence for the better. With that being said its nice to be back in a part of my life where I can tred deeper waters, this time with knowing more of myself, this time with a direction. Instead of a figure aimlessly drowning this time I am a diver fully aware of the depths of the water and how to confront it with my every breath. I can spend this semester with a heavy but balanced load. I can have my weekends for myself and do well at school. Its a possible thing to achieve. It feels good to know who I am, where I am going and that I can have some fun along the way…..without apologizing to anyone!